"Ohh and if Cookie Monster calls tell him I won't talk to him till he gets out of rehab." - Stewie (Family Guy)

Hello once again to those who view this (I'm imagining only two of you). So last night I went to a bar and enjoyed the fact that I knew the bartender... my shiner ran down she grabbed it and filled it probably 3/4 of the time without ringing it up. Gotta love that.

Today I woke up only to find it was 130pm, not exactly what I had planned, but what the hell. Tommy Boy was on so that was a treat, I've actually tried the fat guy in a little coat thing... trust me it works. Is it just me or does Bo Derek actually scare anyone else? I saw her getting out of the pool and just saw her face and I flinched... the lady looks like she has a professional group of guys with strings walking behind her to make sure her face doesn't sag. The point of plastic surgery is to make a change, but make it subtle, not flashy. Girl I knew here at Baylor just got breast implants... ok this girl is 5'2" and about 110-115 lbs I think and as she told me she was an A... well now she is a D, maybe this is just me, but that isn't exactly subtle. She sent me a picture of her "before and after" and asked for my opinion... I bit my tongue and told her she looked great, by the way never say anything other than that, believe me women hold grudges like you wouldn't believe. I answered truthfully once to a girl and ohh man you would have thought that I was on national television announcing her name, saying she is a fat cow, and circling her imperfections. I don't think she said a word to me for about 2 weeks, man was she pissed. You would figure I'd learn from my father's mistake as he once answered my mom truthfully when she asked "what do you think I am stupid?"

What's the moral of this story... if a girl asks you something lie out your freakin' teeth, it's the only right answer. Ohh ohh ohh and you have to one up everything they say... if they say "do I look good in this," say some crap like "amazing is how I would describe it." Your only safe bet.

Well it is 2:45am and I just finished My Blue Heaven and I'm about to go pass out. Later hommies.

Word mofo's... word

"You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair" - Ron Burgundy

Today I had to wake my ass up at 6:45am today and go to the Floyd Casey Stadium to do our football run through and naturally there were a few problems, but most got ironed out. Since we got our new cable system and equipment there have been some sync problems and etc, but they will all be ironed out by the first game against Samford... yeah Samford, we should win that one.

As I sat down eating my lunch today I was discussing with a friend of mine that New Hampshire, Vermont, Mass., Conn., and Rhode Island should form a super state. I mean look at Rhode Island... it is all their little bitch. It pretty much is in a constant 3 way with Mass and Conn, that has to suck. Combining them they would then have a crap load of the Ivy League schools (Penn, Columbia, Cornell, and Princeton of course being in Penn, NY, and NJ respectfully). If this were to happen I'm sure they would try and secede from the United States and form their own country... radical liberal crazies. Now I'm not bitter or against liberals... far from it, but radicals I can't stand. I have many democrat friends and actually have many democrat ideals... but man I can't stand those whiney liberal momma's boys and daddy's girls who know nothing of what they speak and claim to. Hell Kerry and Bush claimed to know the values of the average American, but strangely they both never had to do anything to get where they are (both families are loaded beyond belief). Bush actually did better in college than Kerry, but guess what that doesn't mean crap cause guess what... They both suck; I would sooner have a monkey who licked his ass than those two.

Anyway I am gonna pass out now or I will probably type for about 5 pages.

Word mofo's... word

"Let me tell you a little bit about the Peter Blunt system... You see first I find out where you live and then I come to your house..." Randy Quaid

Ahh the theatrical genius that is Caddyshack II. The enitre quote will be placed below...

"You certainly made it very clear how your legal system works Mr. Young. Now, I'd like to explain a little bit about the Peter Blunt system. You see, I don't go in for lawsuits and motions or any of the legal stuff. No, no, you see what happens is, uh, I find out where you live and then I come to your house, see? And, I beat down your door with a fu**ing baseball bat! And, then I'm gonna make a bonfire with the Chipendale. Maybe roast that Golden Retriever, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, then eat it! And, then I'm coming upstairs, junior, and I'm gonna grab you by your Brooks Bros. P.J.s, and then I'm gonna take your brand new B.M.W., and cram it up your tight ass! Do we have an understanding!?"

Caddyshack II was actually my first dvd purchase and has gotten quite a lot of viewing out of it. Not bad for 6.99 huh. After seeing it earlier today I made the decision to go ahead and play a round of golf. Did quite well considering I haven't played an actual round in forever. When I was in junior golf and etc I could drive, chip, and putt and beat almost anyone... then came 8th grade and then I developed the nastiest slice I have ever seen, well not as bad as Jack Hartonian's in Caddyshack II, but damn was it bad. Hell I could aim to the left of the hole at like a 45 degree angle and maybe have it hit in the middle of the fairway. I was there today and I can still drive about 290-305 yards, but man has my short game gone to s**t.

The best part about golf today though was that on the 11th hole some old dude hit my cart and I flew out acting as if he had hit me going about 40 mph. Screaming and grabbing my knee and punching the ground and when he came up to see if I was ok I popped up and ran for my cart and floored it.

For some strange reason I have the urge to go to a mexican restaurant and then walk out with crushed chips in my mouth and crawl on my hands and knees out the door coughing and saying "Don't eat the tacos," but somehow I don't think that will go over as well or be as funny to the owners or guests there as it would be to me.

Currently at work at the moment and I just finished playing the Xbox here. Yeah I get to play video games for work since we are trying to use NCAA College Football for some cutaways and plays that I can do on there (it's like having the camera at the Super Bowl since it can go anywhere and records in 360 degrees). After that we sat and watched 2 episodes of Seinfeld Season 4 (The Handicapped Spot and The Junior Mint). Absolutely classic episodes... love it when Jerry has no idea what this chicks name is and guesses "Mulva" since her name rhymes with a female body part, but in the end it was Doloris.

On a closing note I have found a nation of people that I loathe more than DMB... I can't stand the French... mofo's and their constant Lance Armstrong bashing. It is amazing that the French Newspaper prints it and then the head of the Tour de France says it is completely factual and Armstrong has deceived everyone... All the riders have said that "Wow the word of a terrible journalist out to get someone for being better than everyone else against Lance... I choose Lance." Man during the Treaty of Versailles we should have given the Germans France... let those smug bastards speak Deutch and eat sauerkraut... I hope they all choke on their food.

"No but's meow, that's the law... ain't so funny meow is it?" - Foster (Super Troopers)

Well as you can tell I haven't exactly been on here for awhile. Curious... does anyone with common sense think that Dave Matthews blows ass? Man I can't freaking stand that guy. When I was in HS the debate and forensics freaks were obsessed with him so that is where my hatred was planted. Them with their dumb little file organizers and their pen swirling crap. I think this is time for reflection... hopefully some will come to there senses and rethink their DMB mania.

I watched that "Tommy Lee at Nebraska" thing on NBC... that is actually a reality show that I could watch. That guy is so freaking funny and says some the weirdest and pointless crap. This tutor girl that they got him for his Chemistry... damn that chick is hot. They claim she is an actual tutor as well (find hard to believe, but then again I shouldn't "place" her because she is blonde and balls out hot). Was reading a synopsis of later episodes and from what I can tell Tommy is giving his 20 or so year old roommate advice on picking up chicks and what to do afterwards... should be entertaining.

Saw the 40 Year Old Virgin again today with some people and it was just as funny the second time. Not sure why or how, but Catherine Keener seems pretty damn hot. She is a bit to far to the skinny side, but you see her in her unmentionables and she was quite nice.

And on that note I shall close... remember to chose DMB over reason is to be lead astray.

"I just got done dusting the Uncle Bucks..." - Jeff Smith

Well I just hit the mother fing jackpot. It is 3:43am and I'm watching Night Court. Man this was one of my favorite shows when I was growing up. Kinda nice to get all the sexual references that I didn't before. In this episode John Larroquette is impotent... some chick just made a reference to his "steely dan".

Well Night Court is now over and I'm starting American Wedding. Right now the red head is fooling around underneath the table with Jim's dad talking to him. Haha I love this movie... tacky sexual humor at some of its finest.

I did absolutely nothing today which wasn't the way to go considering I had to have my GRE moved from Thursday to Monday and considering I haven't done a damn thing about it since Wed I'm pretty much screwed.

Anyway I better get going... my film awaits me.

Later hommies.

"Alright we attack the Rice Crispy guys at dawn... assuming Judd Hirsch delivers the goods" - Keibler Elves

Has anyone played ouija board before? If someone actually believed in that crap I wonder if they wanted to play a practical joke on someone by killing themself so that they could then "haunt" someone in the game. Yeah that would be going to far, but I'm sure there are plenty of morons that would give it a try... probably the death obsessed goth people.

Well, well, well... Forgot to post something on here the last couple of days, but I could give a rats ass. Well today I literally did nothing except study for my GRE exam that I have on Thursday. The math portions and the writing will be about the easiest things I can think of. The Verbal part will definitely be the downfall that I have... if there is one anyway. Whoever came up with these varied based question tests should be drug out to the street and shot... they should all be the same.

I sat and watched American Pie tonight on FX and I'm reminded of how bad Shannon Elizabeth is in that movie with the "Jem" crap. She was there for one reason and I know that, but I mean come on. Chick has a nice rack, but when was the last time she was in a movie or tv show where she wasn't the eye candy? She's from Waco too... which is kinda strange. Steve Martin and Jennifer Love Hewitt are also from here.

Well I'm gonna finish this crap up now, have to get up and go to work tomorrow and have an eye doc appointment to check to see if my ass needs to specs.

Word mofos... word

"You rue the day your crossed me Trebek" - Sean Connery

Well I woke up at 2pm today and did absolutely nothing and as Peter Gibbons would say "It was everything that I hoped it could be." Got up and got myself some boneless buffalo wings and a gatorade and I was good to go.

I sat and thought out my next move, which then turned in to me doing nothing once again. After awhile I actually decided to do something so I went in to our new office and helped put some stuff up and etc so hopefully in the next couple of days or so most of it will all be good to go.

Taking the GRE here in a few days so going over crap for that so that I can hopefully get it on the first try and have nothing to worry about when I apply to U of Texas, Florida State, and Chapman come November.

It is now 4:54am here and I'm still awake... no shocker, currently watching clips of Conan O'Brien. They just had on the Masturbating Bear, damn that guy is funny. And I lost my train of thought, oh screw it, night losers.

"You must then cut down the mightiest tree in the forest, with... a herring!" - Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Well hello again... the day was pretty much the same only I set my alarm for 6:45am so that I could smack the snooze for about 30 min giving me a chance to "warm" up to actually getting out of my bed.

Once again I pretty much just sat there while the guys from Alpha Video were installing everything. I decided to once again to poke fun at the kids playing basketball. That one kid was back yet again and sucked just as bad, but this time I actually had a Baylor basketball player sitting with me and even he thought it was funny stuff. Sad when you must insult others in order to feel superior huh. Well I managed to fall asleep in the seats a bit later. The guys from Alpha were dumbfounded cause I was sleeping through the horn that would go off every 30 seconds on the court. They don't know me very well obviously cause I either can't sleep period or no one can wake me up.

Had my stitches taken out today and naturally with my luck the one on my leg has already split and now I have a huge hole there that I butterfly closured the hell out of. I consider myself a modern day McGyver, carry a flat pack of duct tape just like the man sometimes (ok sometimes means never so sue me... I feel like McGyver got it).

Can't sleep again and I'm watching a really bad infomercial. Anyone ever seen The Showtime Knife series? This dude is older than crap and his jokes are about as funny as seeing someone getting hit in the balls repeatedly.

Well my ass is gonna pass out, not that it will help, but hey nothing else to do.

"He'll Need A Rocket Up His Ass To Catch That One" - Bob Uecker

Well this is my first post on this damn thing. Hopefully it actually shows up as I have no clue how to work this damn thing.

Today I got up at 7:45am (about 45 min late) and threw on some clothes ran out the door. Naturally this could only happen to me, but in the process of that I managed to tear one of the stitches so it hurts like hell right now. Anyway ended up showing up to Ferrell about 10 min late so the guys from Alpha Video were already there. Figured hey they are already in and I haven't eaten anything. Hopped my ass into my car, ok hop is a bad example considering I don't think that could ever be used to describe anything I do, but went to Chick-Fil-A and got a chicken biscuit. Showed back up and literally sat and watched a basketball camp cause there wasn't anything to do.

I sat in my seat near the top and quietly heckled all the kids on how bad they were. Man this one kid was decked out in a basketball jersey with some weird crap on the front like it was made personalized and he had the shorts to go with it. The guy had a headband, two elbow bands... the guy was white and had a shaved head and man did he suck. He would run up and down the court with the ball run into triple teams and all sorts of crap. I guess I was on a roll or something cause the guys in the booth were laughing their asses off at what I was saying. Yeah I have no shame or compassion.

The rest of the day amounted to nothing other than talking to Smith about how we were stunned the Chiefs got Derrick Johnson into training camp this year (Carl Peterson is a moron and never gets it done).

I had an interesting thought just now... if I ever were to teach kids about drugs I would show them Requiem for a Dream. They would probably be so freaked out that they would need therapy. If it was sex education I would show them Chappelle's sketch about "sicknesses". Those puppets are freaking hilarious.

Currently it is 3:25am and I'm watching a vid cd that has a bunch of conan o'brien sketches, snl celebrity jep stuff, and the man show boy sketches.